A Modest Proposal: Classes I wish were taught at Willamette

In attending a liberal arts University, I was sometimes bummed that there weren't more really strange classes available.  

November 12, 2007

    Yes, it’s that time of year again, time for all students to choose classes for the upcoming semester.  As usual I am confronted by a flood of intellectually stimulating classes, and it has been difficult to narrow down my choices.  Still, I sometimes think about the types of classes Willamette would have if I were in charge.  So here they are, a bunch of classes that I think belong in our curriculum.

    The Chemistry of Soft Drinks:  A 400 level chemistry seminar where the students brew their own sodas as a final project.  Best taste gets the highest grade.  The competition is intense, the chemistry complex, the results could make you rich.  The first half of the semester involves reducing popular soft drinks to their basic chemical compounds and learning about soda history.  

Prerequisites be damned! I would take this class and finally construct my much-dreamed-of Cranberry Sarsaparilla.

Advanced Topics in Biology: Controlled Breeding:  In this course, students create superior fruit flies through selective breeding.

Basically I've always wanted to create a race of super flies.  Actually I've always wanted to create a race of hyperintelligent battle squid, but everybody has to start somewhere.

The History of Science Fiction:  This class counts as both a history course and an English course.  Students will discuss famous works, from Jules Verne up to the present day, and interpret their social and cultural effects.

I’m just a Sci-fi geek who wants to see his favorite genre properly represented in college.  I also think we should have creative writing class about science fiction/fantasy, preferably with a famous guest professor (maybe Larry Niven if he has nothing better to do).

RHET 270 – Angry Yelling in America:  Explores the ways that angry yelling as a rhetorical art form has shaped the nation.  Not for those with weak constitutions.

This needs to happen.  This would be the best class ever if you could find the right professor (Lewis Black).

Constructing Word Problems:  This course is a senior level selection that counts as a physics, math and rhetoric class.  Students study intensely the structure and diction of mathematical word problems, ultimately making a sizable portfolio of their own creations.  Originality is rewarded.

I believe that it is our job today to make the textbooks of tomorrow better.  I’m sick and tired of problems involving apples, lemonade stands, trains, cannons, frictionless basketballs, shadows, falling ladders and girls named Jane.

Creating With Legos:  Students create with Legos.  Prerequisite:  Lego Lab.

There must be other people out there who wish they could get school credit for all the time they spend making stuff with Legos.

Macaroni Art:  Students create art using uncooked macaroni, construction paper, Elmer’s glue, and glitter.

I've always thought college should be more like kindergarten.

Badminton Lab:  Three hours of badminton every Wednesday evening.  

It may not be worth any credit, but it will be required for the Badminton Major that is forthcoming.

    A helpful reader notified me that Willamette did occasionally offer an English class on Science Fiction.  Of course that never happened the years I was there, because there is no justice in the world.  

    Badminton Lab would also be the only required class for the Awesome Studies major that my roommate and I later developed.