Disconcerting Consumerism

SUNDAY. SUNDAY. SUNDAY. AT THE MEGADOME.  SEE A MAN JUMP 8 SCHOOL BUSES ON A RAZOR SCOOTER.  YOU'LL PAY FOR THE WHOLE SEAT BUT YOU'LL ONLY USE THE EDGE.

November 26, 2007

    Let me state one thing plainly.  I don’t watch television in college.  The nearest TV with cable is down four arduous flights of stairs and is usually occupied by people watching sports or Grey’s Anatomy reruns.  It’s simply not worth the effort for me. Whenever I leave school on breaks though, I always look forward to spending numerous mind-numbing hours in front of the tube.  However, I was unprepared for what awaited me on Thanksgiving Day…

Me:  Boy, that sure was a good Thanksgiving dinner, I wonder what’s on TV.

*Click*

This Friday only, get great deals on winter wear for everyone on your list.  Like these wool toe socks, and these zip up fleece jackets.  Doors open at 4:00 A.M.! - 

*Click*

This weekend only, get zero percent financing on the Nissan of your choi-

*Click*

This holiday season, get her what she really deserves.  This stunning diamond necklace starts at just twelve hundred dollars.  Every kiss begins with Kay.

*Click*

…The Tractor Depot Thanksgiving Sale, this Friday only.  Save BIG on winter necessities like ALCO brand horse feed and John Deere wood chippers.  And Friday only, receive a complimentary posthole digger with every purchase of over four hundred dollars!  Doors open at 2:00 A.M., don’t miss out on these great deals!

*Click*

Jingle bells, Jingle bells,  jingle allllll the waaaaaay (anthropomorphic electric razor sleds across the screen)

*Click*

THE ALL NEW POWER RANGERS ATTACK BATTLE RESCUE TRUCK, WITH EXTREME REAL BATTLE SOUNDS!  *Honk Honk* *I’m the Blue Ranger!!!* AND AWESOME MORPHING ABILITY!!!  Now Power Rangers Attack Battle Rescue Truck! MORPH INTO TWO SMALLER TRUCKS!!!!" *morph*  Take THAT Terroranjordar!!!  NOOOOOOO!  ATTACKBATTLERESCUETRUCKCOMESWITHALLYOUSEEHERE, figuressoldseparately.  Totallynotmadeinchina.

*Click*

This holiday season; get her what she really wants, at the Mercedes-Benz Luxury Decadence Holiday Sale Event.  While you’re at it, pick one up for yourself as well.

*Click*

Makes a great gift for the holidays too!  That’s right Jan, why, your loved-ones will never run out of uses for the Dratco Wallscratch.  In the family room, in the garage, on a plane, for children’s parties.  Other adhesive wall-mounted back-scratchers sell in yamby-pamby catalogs for over six hundred thousand American dollars.  But call RIGHT NOW and you’ll get the Dratco Wallscratch, plus a second Wallscratch for only two-ninety-nine.  That’s two dollars and ninety-nine cents.  Not good enough?!  All of today’s callers will also get a Dratco Eyebrow massager.  Great for relieving stress after a hard day at work.  Dial the number on your scre-

*Click*

And that’s how the T-Mobile Blackberry saved Christmas!

*Click*

……Golly Dave, that’s and awfully big pile of yak poo…

Me:  *contented sigh* Oh Mike Rowe, you never cease to entertain me with your Dirty Jobs.

    Wow.  I think I might have written this before I had a Netflix account.  Today I have an even lower tolerance for television commercials.  Good thing Dirty Jobs is on Instant Watch now.

    If Mike Rowe ran for President I'd totally vote for him.   Just sayin'.