Visions of Grandeur

     A theme that would resurface several times over the years of Tom's Thoughts was what the hell to do after college.  Turns out this topic started very early, appearing right here in my third ever column.  

By Tom Ackerman

     As yet another school year comes to a close, students’ minds turn towards the future. Instead of studying for finals, students find themselves dreaming of next semester and beyond. With and inquisitive mind, a little notebook and that hat that makes me look like a reporter, I took to the streets to ask students about their goals, be they grand or small (the goals not the students, actually both I guess. I didn’t restrict my survey to short people or anything like that).

     I decided to start by asking students what they are majoring in. The first girl I polled replied happily, “Gosh I dunno yet! It doesn’t really matter though.” She then skipped off through the quad. That this girl is a junior frightened me profoundly.

     Next I selected a severe looking young man walking swiftly and carrying a hefty messenger bag. “Clearly this is a man on a mission,” I thought to myself. I jogged up alongside him and inquired as to his major. The young man, continuing his determined walk replied simply “Rhetoric.” I told him that was an interesting choice and asked what he planned on pursuing after college. The young man immediately stopped walking and stared at me for a long while. Eventually his left eye began to twitch. Finally, he gave me the kind of smile usually reserved for institutionalized maniacs. Disconcerted, I wandered off.

     From there I decided to ask about more long term goals. I asked one student what she wanted to be when she grew up. With a sparkle in her eyes she screamed “I’M GONNA BE A FIGHTER PILOT!!!” She then spread her arms and jumped around making airplane noises such as “VROOOOOOO”, and “TATA-TAT, RATA TATAT.”

     Several different students proclaimed determinedly that they were going to save the world. When asked how they planned to do that most delivered long tales that primarily involved befriending trees and consuming large amounts of controlled substances.

     After a long day of exhausting investigative reporting, I sat down and took a long look at my personal life goals. Compared to those of my peers, my goals seem exceedingly vague and materialistic. I don’t know what I want to do or where. All I am certain of is that I hope to be successful enough to own a house with its own library. In my daydreams I fill my library with beautiful things like luxurious leather chairs, suits of armor, a globe with the borders inlaid in gold, 17^th century dueling pistols in an ornate box, and pictures of me on safari standing over large dead animals.

     I also want to own several German Shepards and name them after German battleships. I can see it now…”Here Bismark! Here Tirpitz! Now where did Prince Eugen go? That little rapscallion…”

At one time I toyed with the idea of also having British Bulldogs and naming them after British battleships, but that probably wouldn’t work out… “Here Illustrious. Here Majestic! Now where did Indefatigable go? That little rapscallion…” Polysyllabic adjectives make for very poor dog names.

Anyhow, I urge you all to follow your dreams, for dreams are one of the few things that separate us from chimps.

    I still really want a library full of all that stuff.  I also still think that British battleship names make very poor dog names.  Some of them even make poor battleship names.  The crew of the HMS Indefatigable must have had some sort of nickname for it.  I hope it was "Fatts," or "Fatti."  Also, an update on Fighter Pilot Girl:  I now know that she has moved to New Zealand and is, in fact, a fighter pilot there.