Tom Ackerman Reviews Some Stuff

     Ah yes, the first installment of what became a recurring series where I reviewed stuff.  This emerged as one of my preferred fall-backs when I didn't have any better ideas for columns (which was quite often).  Almost all the objects here are things that could be found on or around my desk in my tiny Sophomore dorm room in Baxter Hall (for a wildly fun time, see if you can spot which items reviewed here were not from my dorm room!)

September 16, 2007

By Tom Ackerman

            Gillette Mach 3 Turbo:  This is the best razor I’ve yet found, primarily because it is easy to clean my rugged facial hairs out from between the blades.  Is it expensive? Yes.  But can you really put a price on three blades and two little strip thingies?  Well Gillette has actually, but that’s not the point.  I give this product an 8 out of 10.

            Staples Brand “Hype!” Highlighters:  Let it be known that I am very picky about my highlighters, but these seemingly generic Staples highlighters fit my exacting standards well.  They don’t bleed through the pages.  Their tips are just the right width for most text.  They come in a variety of highlightery colors.  I need to get more of these, like today.  Somebody with a car needs to take me to Staples before all of my Hype!’s run out of ink.  Don’t waste your time with other highlighters.  I give these highlighters 4½  out of 5 stars.  If they somehow had infinite ink reservoirs, I would never leave my room, I’d just stay inside highlighting pertinent information for all eternity.

            TIMEX Model T101 Extra Loud Alarm Clock:  This alarm clock is completely adequate in every way.  Sometimes I wish it would strive to be something more, but it never does, it just sits there telling the time and sometimes making alarm sounds.  The alarm isn’t even that loud.  I give it a 13 out of 47. 

            Stokes Field Guide to BIRDS of the Western Region:  There sure are a bunch of birds in here, and all of them do seem to be found in the “western region”.  The pages are color coded for easy referencing.  For instance, warblers are in the olive green pages.  So, if you’re into warblers or whatever, this could be helpful I guess.  I give this book 7 crows out of 8 just because of all the humorous bird names.  Wandering Tattler? American Coot? Pure hilarity.

            BIGELOW Cinnamon Stick Tea:  I dare you to find a better cinnamon stick tea.  I DARE YOU.  I don’t think you can do it.

            The Hatfield Library:  Maybe you didn’t know, but our school library is a magical place chock full of knowledge of every kind.  I once found a nonfiction book there about how to conduct warfare in space.  It also has documents on microfilm.  Microfilm is cool.  If I didn’t have to do stuff like go to class and hang out with my friends, I would spend most of my waking hours at the Hatfield Library reading about varied subjects such as, what Jupiter is made out of, or what Mark Twain thought about his father, or how Japan kicked Russia’s ass during the Russo-Japanese War.  I give the library 16 bananas, because it earned them.

            OCEANS:  Oceans pretty much have something for everyone.  I give oceans an A+.  If you haven’t already, check out some oceans.

            

     REVIEW UPDATES:  

• I still use a Mach 3 Turbo as my razor of choice.  They remain annoyingly expensive.
• At some point during my college career, I moved from highlighters to underlining passages in pen (maybe dark ink seemed more appropriate to put in my history texts than bright pastels, or maybe I was just afraid that no other highlighters could stand up to the perfection of my Hype!s).  Staples still makes their Hype! brand highlighters, but they're all gimmicky now, and just not as good.  Alas.  Perhaps one day I'll find a long lost crate of '07 Hype!s and rekindle my old love of highlighting.
• I still have that alarm clock, and it continues to strive only for mediocrity after all these years.
• Fear not, bird names remain hilarious.
• Nobody has actually taken my dare to find a better cinnamon stick tea, thus BIGELOW remains the champion.
• By all accounts the Hatfield Library continues to be badass.  However, I do wish the walls of the study rooms were soundproof.  A failing I did not realize until my junior year.
• Last I checked, oceans are still around and continue to be pretty important for stuff.